Anhedonia

The motivational variant.

Why do people strive to be successful? Or at least to be "somebody"?

It's because when you're a nobody, you get nowhere, or don't get far.

Most of the time, people reserve opportunities for the privileged ones. But to be one of the privileged ones, one has to sacrifice a lot along the way...

Expectation is the root of all heartaches. -William Shakespere

If you don't expect things, you won't get a heartache. Easier said than done. Who doesn't expect things in this world? Expectation is what drives people forward and helps us long for something, makes us look forward to the future. Or is that "hope" instead? I'm confused.

An opportunity missed is a lesson learnt to make sure we don't lose the next one.

There's no point harping on the mistakes we've made in the past. A good friend has once said, "Just work around it". And make sure not to make the same mistakes in future, or next life (if there is another one). Well, i guess nobody knows whether they've made the correct choices until they have either tasted the fruit of it or suffer from the consequences. Whatever it is, everyone has to be accounted for choices he or she has made, and to live with them.

However disappointed you are today, nurse it and get over with it. Don't let it eat you up. Make do with what you have now and try to enjoy it. :)

p.s. emo lah for not being able to attend a 3-day course *sigh* just because i'm under-qualified, for now

Fast & Furious

I love speeding. I love the thrill, the adrenaline rush, the kick.
Dangerous but satisfying.
It's one of the rare moments i get to empty my mind of everything. Every. single. thing that's been bugging me.
I only like it when i'm the driver :P No guts to be the passenger, yet. ;)
So no traffic jams, please. Otherwise i don't get to speed :D
It's been a long long time since i last drove for hours on the highway...

Happy Mother's Day

Recently, a very good friend of mine has encouraged me to write again... So here i am! It's been 2 years since i last blogged :P It's going to be a very random post about random stuffs :)

Happy Mother's Day to all the loving mothers out there, who have and haven't held their child :)

To all my blog followers (i bet none of you is still following now LOL), yeah i've got a child of my own now. Nope, i'm not going to blog about my experience in the labour room, don't you worry okay :)

Why i stopped blogging

There are several reasons i stopped blogging since April 2013.

I got lazy :P

And i got pregnant since May 2013 so pregnancy drained my energy haha :D

And my child came along in Feb 2014 so i have been occupied since then :)

The main reason is actually me not wanting to expose too much on myself on the net :P

Nowadays, you can do a search on anybody on Google. I know that very well myself *ehem* So it's kind of dangerous now that i've a child :P Okay excuses apart... I've realised that i prefer two-way communications rather than pouring my heart out without getting a feedback or so. :-/ and i've learnt to trust people less over the years. It's a phase of growing up, i guess. It's not very nice but that's the reality. :-/

Being a mother

When something big happens, something tragic, you freeze, you retreat into your happy bubble for what seems like a second, until you look up. And suddenly, you realise it's a whole new world. (Grey's Anatomy; season 11, episode 23)

Having a child is not something tragic but it's definitely a big thing. I've learnt so much of myself since Carol came along. My strength, my perseverance, my ego. It's like getting to know myself all over again. :)

Friends

The more you age, the less number of true friends you have. True friends are hard to come by, so when you meet one, you better cherish that friendship :)

Since i became a mother, the main topic of conversations has always revolved around parenting, parenting, and parenting ^.^" Acquaintances who have children have suddenly become friends! :D

On the other hand, friends to whom you can spill your secrets are very hard to come by nowadays. And those who're willing to listen to your rants and whatnot's, AND actually give you some constructive inputs are even rarer species :D I'm very grateful to have a handful of these kind souls in my life. Without you people, i'd be long gone at the mental asylum XD

Series i watch nowadays

Grey's Anatomy has always been on top of my list :)

And i've started to watch Game of Thrones :P Not quite to my liking but no harm trying a different genre.

And yeah, i still watch some good TVB series. Only those good ones. I don't watch those silly, lame series :P

For Korean series, i'm still trying to finish Jang Ok Jung (i started watching it more than a year ago!). It's a historical series. I still have the perception that most Korean series are slow paced and the lead actor/ actress will end up dying :P Prove me wrong!

My very good friend told me that i'm a chatterbox (which is very true). So if you're watching any of the above series, let's talk about it alright? I seriously need someone to share my "heartfelt moments" :D Okay, that's me being a woman ^.^

Spotify

I've been recently introduced to this cool app for listening to songs. Highly recommended. And share your playlist with me, please :D

'Till i get inspired to write again :)

Life has just begun

It's been more than a year since my last blog entry! How time flies!

Over the past 12 months, i've done a lot of things, been to many places, and changed my status. :)

I'm now working in Slim River, a cowboy town which has rooms for development. Working life here is less hectic compared to that in Ipoh where i used to work for 18 months, but i've more responsibilities now. I'm looking forward to doing things i really like :)

I'm now somebody's wife, with a lot more responsibilities! :D I've a very caring husband, i must say, and i'm grateful for that :)

Life has just begun. And i've yet to explore the entire "real world" out there. At times, i'm hesitant and feel scared, unsure of what lies ahead, and always question myself of every decision i've made. I've learnt that time is very precious, and i'm still learning to utilise every second meaningfully & purposefully. My comfort zone has grown bigger, which is a warning sign; i must get out of it before it engulfs me. There's no turning back!

Life has just begun.

Procrastination

It's been ages since i last updated my blog. I wasn't too busy to publish a simple post, but just too lazy to practise my writing :(, which is very bad.

I've become lazier since i left the university less than a year ago, most probably due to the lack of peer pressure, examinations, and requirements to be completed. I've not been reading much. Difficulty in focusing and concentrating in reading has been a worrying issue to me as i realise the importance updating myself through reading the latest issues regarding my work, to keep myself abreast with the current issues in dentistry. It's time for me to walk out of my comfort zone and indulge in some serious reading :(

Lately, combating procrastination has become a big challenge to me. Lack of interest & enthusiasm are the main problems which have cause me to procrastinate. The absence of peer pressure has also played an important role in this. :( Peer influence acts as a reminder & motivator to drive me forward!

I'm glad that i recognise my problems and the causes of it. A larger obstacle now is how to overcome the problems! :'(

SELF REMINDER: The world will not stop for you, but you have to keep up with the world, or risk being left behind. You've to work hard to achieve your dreams!

Working Life in Perak

I've been posted to Batu Gajah Hospital in a small town -- Batu Gajah, in Kinta District. Providing primary dental care here -- check-ups, restorations, extractions, scaling, etc. Learnt a lot in the primary care setting. However, i pray that i can start my speciality attachment soon, so that my passion will not die off (the tranquil life in primary care is slowly eating my passion away!)

I have a very wonderful boss, who does not boss us around, and very willing to share her knowledge.

I have a very funny colleague, who always share his knowledge about cars with me :D

I have wonderful supporting staffs, who are very kind and do not play politics :D

Life at Batu Gajah Hospital is great, with very nice town people, who appreciate the service we provide, unlike many city people, who tend to take things for granted.

As i stay at Southern Ipoh Garden, i have to drive 26km to Batu Gajah, and another 26km back, everyday. Time & petrol spent can kill me as i've not got my salary yet (still in the process)...

Back home, i have interesting housemates whom i look up to as my seniors :D But they can be also very funny at times :D I miss the time i hang out for meals with my friends in uni :'(

p/s: I'm so used to writing very simple sentences on patients' cards & referral letters, etc. that i seldom use compound or complex sentences nowadays >.<

Please let me start my speciality attachment a.s.a.p.!!!

I'm done! Finally :)

Registered with the Malaysian Dental Council today ;) I'm now numbered, and have the "licence" to "drill"! :P I'm now a dental surgeon with obligations to serve the public, for it's the people who paid 90% of my tuition fees ;)

This is just the starting point of achieving greater success, and i've to be determined enough to keep that momentum going :P There'll be bigger hurdles ahead before i can ultimately achieve my target(s). Yes, targets. No more dreams, as dreams are not as realistic as targets! :P I've to make sure that i keep that passion going, and growing!

I'm very grateful to heaven for giving me this chance to come to this stage in life.
I'm very grateful to my parents & my family members for providing me all the necessary things to achieve my present target. I'm greatly loved by you all, and i love you all! ;)

I'm very grateful to all my friends who've helped me to go through all the hurdles over these years. I'd never forget how hard we struggled, how bitter we cried, how cheerful we laughed, together! ;)

I'm very grateful to all my teachers for drilling me to become what i've become today ;) It's time for me to do you proud by showing you how steady i can fly with the wings you nurtured ;)

I'm very grateful to all my patients who've been so supportive and encouraging. It's such a great pleasure to have given them a healthier & more beautiful smile ;)

I'm very grateful to all who've helped me throughout all these years, as without your help, this journey would've been even tougher & longer.

Last but not least, i'd like to thank myself for persevering till the very end to hit my present target. I said present target, as i believe there are more to come! ;)

Kudos! Dr Eunice Soh Xinwei, BDS (Malaya) :D

The Final Sprint

I was once a 100m short-distance sprinter in school; i enjoyed the thrill upon hearing the firing BANG to denote the start of the race, observing other contestants on my left & right, running like there's a tiger chasing me from the back to reach the finishing line. I loved the speed and the sound of wind blowing past me when i sprinted.

5 years ago, i entered another race. And i've been running & walking ever since. I can see the finishing line now; so near yet so far. There might still be hurdles ahead, and i know i must persevere till the end, i must and i will overcome all the obstacles ahead. I have to!

It was not my dream to be a dental surgeon in the beginning. Now i realised it's a stepping stone for me to pursue my dream in future. My dream - something i think i'll love doing :)

The FINAL sprint. Let's do it together!

5years as a Dental Undergraduate: What I've gained besides KNOWLEDGE

FRIENDSHIP

The most important lesson i've learnt.

Friends are easy to make, but true friends are hard to come by.

Without my friends, there's no way i could've made it thus far.

I owe A LOT to all of them! No man is an island in dentistry.

Sincerity & trust are the keywords. Age & skin colour are no barriers.

You reap what you sow.

INTEREST

Tak kenal maka tak cinta.

But interest can kill at times too!

"Do not restrict yourself, broaden your options!" <--- Note to self.

Still waiting for inspiration. I've yet to set foot in the real world. ;)

SELF-CONFIDENCE

'Though not as "thick-skinned" as salespersons (no offence!) :P

PRIORITISING SKILLS

There's just soOo much to complete within a short period of time.

I've learnt to make major decisions (wisely) within a fraction of a second (have to!) :-|

AGE

Dentistry makes people age faster; physically, mentally, emotionally. Period.

and... to realise that there are just soOo many things besides dentistry that i've to learnt, and that this world is not only about dentistry, and dentistry is not the only interesting in this whole wide world.

So... to practise or not to practise? Okay i'll ponder on that after i've completed my FYDO-ship :P

2011 Wishlist

Healthy body & lifestyle

Be a better person

Peaceful life

Pass BDS final exams

Good working environment

New specs (preferably with clip-on like the one i'm having/ transition lens [if there's discount])

One step closer to my targets (no more "dreams" as "dreams" are non-realisable)

Eventful 2010 :)

A year in which my "myopia" improved, and i learnt to see things & people clearer, in a different perspective ;)

I've learnt to wear an "armour" to protect myself, for this is a dog-eat-dog world.

I've learnt to always fight for what i want, for i've only one life, and i should not let myself down. You never try, you never know ;)

I've learnt to forgo things at times to achieve other things, despite being very reluctant to do so.

I've learnt that life is not a bed of roses (in fact, i don't like flowers :P), and only hard work (plus luck, of course!) brings success!

I've learnt that a plane will not reach its destination if the pilot & co-pilot have different targets.

I've learnt that money is not everything, but without money, one can't do anything.

I've learnt that dreams will always remain as dreams, if one doesn't do something to realise/ materialise it.

I've learnt that i'm a person with strong principles, and sometimes too stubborn, and my OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) is getting worse :P

Goodbye 2010! I've lotsa sweet memories in you :) Been travelling a lot this year :)

Disappointments exist to push the heart stronger, and also be stepping stones for higher achievements.

May all i learnt in 2010 be good lessons, and all my fond memories be kept eternally in my memory to be recollected in decades to come ;)

Happy new year!

Of Strong Women...

I've always admired & looked up to strong women in my life, be it in real life or in fiction (drama/ movies/ novel). I guess deep inside me, i yearn to be one :)

I love women who have strong determination, and always know what they want in life, and have clear targets & goals.

I feel fortunate to meet a few of them throughout my life journey, and they have been the ones who've inspired me in many aspects.

They've showed me that although being the "weaker sex" (this is an undeniable fact!), women can do so many other things, and sometimes be no lousier than men. It's through these career women whom i see the perseverance & real ability of females, especially in working mothers (i really salute them).

There's no doubt life is about making decisions & sacrificing oneself, and sometimes standing at the crossroads, hesitating which path to choose. Man proposes, God disposes.

But if one doesn't have a draft (if not a blueprint/ a plan) for his or her life, he or she will be like a floating leaf in the sea, leaving fate to the waves, going wherever the waves bring it to.

I'm glad that i've plans for my future :) However, there are times when i've to forgo some things due to circumstances. Hence, one must always be quick to come up with a Plan B rather than leaving everything to fate, just like prisoners on the death row.

To women i look up to, i thank you for inspiring me (knowingly/ unknowingly), for being role models in my life :)

I hope to be like you people in future. Maybe, hopefully, better be! :D

Sis's dolls

I've never liked dolls & stuffed toys before, not even when i was a little girl.

My sister loves them a lot! And she has lotsa them on her bed, whereas my bed has only a pillow, bolster & blanket, that's all.

This morning, we brought all her dolls out for a sunbath. And after that, i brought out a big black "garbage" plastic bag, and told her they are gonna go, as they've been taking so much space on her bed; there's hardly any space for her to stretch her legs. She understood, nodded lightly, and looked at me putting her dolls & stuffed toys one by one into the bag with her cute puppy eyes. She managed to "save" 3 of them to remain as her loyal companions.

Great! No more "flying toys" having a getaway on my bed from her cramped bed in the middle of the night :P

How i wish i could cuddle my cute lil' sis to sleep like i used to do when we were younger. She's no doubt still very cute now, but a lot more cheekier! :D

I LOVE YOU, babe!

Here's wishing you "Happy Birthday" in advanced!

Will miss you hell a lot when you've flown across half the globe... (yeah i know it's in many more month's time, but still...)

Movie: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part 1)

it's been 3 years since the book was released in 2007.

Nice movie, at least it didn't bore me like it did to some of the audience in the theatre, maybe they didn't read the book, or they didn't understand :P

The first time i got hold of a Harry Potter book, i was in Form 4, preparing for my 1st semester final exams! It was the 3rd sequel -- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. My dad borrowed it from the school library for my sis to read, but she didn't. And so i was revising my Add Maths, and i got bored and flipped through the book, and that's it! Glued to it, and finished it! :P

Since then, i made it a habit to have a novel with me when i prepared for my exams. At least the thrill and the urge to finish the book kept me going in finishing my revision faster so that i could read the book -- i set a rule: finished revising a chapter, and and i got to read few pages of the novel :P Sounds lame, but it got me going :P

However, things have changed and i don't have to have a novel beside me whenever i revise, because i've got just too much to revise and too lil' time to read a novel :P

Well, well.. Sometimes i really hoped that i could use some magic to get things done... In my dreams, perhaps ;)

Here's what i wrote 3 years ago after reading the book

Life, to me

Life is hectic as a final year undergraduate. I pray for a peaceful mind to complete whatever i need to complete, smoothly. Life encompasses a myriad of things from various aspects. Life is about living a life. As a 22-year-old young lady, life to me is the reflection of the experiences and things i learnt throughout these 22 years. And these have molded me into who i am today.

I'm grateful to be given this life, to be loved by my family and friends, and to learn to love them. I share my life with them, for "no man is an island". I feel happier when i share my joy with them; i feel less depressed when i share my sorrow with them, although more often than not they are unable to solve my problem.

Living a life is a life-long learning process. I live for the present, i live as a 22-year-old.

Elective Research Project - Informal Acknowledgement :)

been busy for almost a year for this project. Was in a dilemma on which topic to choose around this time last year :P I know i've made the correct decision and may it lead to a fruitful success :)

spent lotsa months on the report writing, and few extremely busy weeks of collecting data together with my ever supportive teammate, Sheh Yinn ;) very grateful to UT B105 housemates for allowing me to become a "parasite" there for a few weeks :) and to my gang of friends who always hang out with me, go shopping, having karaoke sessions during the few hectic weeks.

Our supervising lecturer is the best supervisor, for she never treated us inferiorly as we are students, but care for us as her teammates (ehem... all 3 of us are co-writers la hehe :P ). I shall never forget the enjoyable process of doing this research, for i have 2 two sporting comrades whom i share sweet memories with ;)

My dad, despite having a very busy schedule himself, helped me to proof read my report :) Thanks a lot, DaD! and my MuM, she has been getting the same reply everyday when both of them call me at 10pm -- "i'm busy and tired writing my report :'(" and she never forgets to tell me to eat more :P Love u two lotsss :)

My roommate is the best roommate as she has been tolerating my craziness for 4 years :P Great patience she has :P

My close friends, who always listen to my laments, tolerate my "bipolar disorder", let me "whack" them, hug them, etc., i owe you all a big thanks :D

Last but not least, to my dearest sweetie, thanks and sorry for tolerating the ever busy me for these few months. Okaylah we cancel it off lah since you also have been so freakingly busy ever since you start working :P hehehe...

I've to learn to love stuffs i do

Realised that interest really has a great influence on my motivation and enthusiasm on doing things.

Glad that i got 1 down today and 3 more to go; it's when i'm not under huge amount of stress that i get to pick up things and learn faster. However, if it hadn't been the huge amount of interest, i'd have slacked and took things easy. What a dilemma!

What we all need now to get motivated is eustress, not distress :'(

I love doing stuffs i love, but i've to learn to love all other stuffs i need to do too!

When there's just too many programmes running all at one time, the CPU hangs and sometimes shuts down by itself.

Out of 5 weekdays in this week, 3 meals per day, i was only full for less than 3 meals (out of 15) :( I need a treat to a nice meal, anyone?

3rd session at OT

Observed alveolar bone grafting today :D

Cool!

Amazed at how bone marrow was harvested from iliac crest to be grafted to the alveolar bone on a cleft lip & palate today. We don't just operate on teeth okay... ;)

Tried surgical hand scrub. It's super painful! :'(

I like doing things i like *^.^*

I believe everyone needs to have at least something he/she likes to do to keep himself/herself sane, just like what i do everyday :)

I love talking to people i admire (my idols :P); a smile from them is enough to make me grin whole day long ;)

I love attending lectures, tutorials and clinical sessions of the subject(s) i like. I know it's not advisable to "discriminate" other subjects for i'm still an undergraduate waiting to be inspired, but i just can't help it to at least regard few, if not many subjects as my favourite ones. Well, I'm very much a "love it or hate it" person; i either like you a lot or hate you :P Hmm... i better learn to have some "grey zones" in my heart...

I feel enthusiastic in doing things i like ;)

I've to learn to do it the same way for things i hate but needed to be accomplished no matter what.

A day at the operating theatre

Had fun on last Thursday morning at the operating theatre at my faculty.

Changing session at the changing room was full with laughters as we didn't have enough S-sized scrubs of the same colour. So i ended up wearing a blue top and a green bottom :P S-sized scrub pants are still very big sized and we had to help each other pull the waist strings to really tighten it up to prevent the pants from slipping down our hip, which could be a very hilarious disaster! :D

The OT is very very cold :( I guess the patient on the operating table must feel even colder as they are nude with only a cotton blanket & an air-filled "balloon" insulator on their body. At first i thought the air-filled blanket is filled with warm air. I tried to feel it, it's not warm at all. So we just shiver in the OT while craning our necks to watch the surgeons operate. When it gets crowded beside the operating table, the screen monitor will be our "target" for watching the operating field.

Somehow i like being in the OT as stuffs going on inside there is so much different from what we used to have elsewhere. Hmm... could be first-timer's feelings... It's fun watching how the patient is put to sleep under general anaesthetics, and how creamy propofol is :D Hmm... if i'm a guy, i would consider to become a cool oral maxillofacial surgeon :P

Watched surgical removal of a unicystic ameloblastoma & recountouring of orbital rim. Surprisingly it didn't feel that eerie when the surgeons peeled the patient's skin off his forehead. Didn't have enough time to stay longer to watch the bone grafting procedure (iliac spine to orbital rim) :( Hope to have more exposure at the major OT in future.

As an avid Grey's Anatomy fan, i felt very excited of my first GA OT experience, and i could say that the feeling of watching it on tv and being there is quite different :P